The Three Amigos (working title)

For someone who thinks about sex as much as I do, you'd think I'd be having a lot more than I do. Sex with people other than myself, I mean. But that's not the point. I'm not here to bitch. Moving on.

It was a rainy Saturday. My semi-usual fuck date was postponed until further notice so I had the day to myself. For some reason, since I've quit smoking, I've been working out more. After a half-hour of squats, crunches and punching the air, I jumped in the shower. Earlier that week, I had spontaneously shaved off all of my public hair and I realized that I like it. I like it a lot. Except now, when I take a shower I can't keep my hands off of my crotch.

I forget sometimes how nice is is to jerk off in the shower. The wet of the shower blends with the warmer, thicker wet from inside me. My skin is all slick and smooth. It's the week before my period, so my nipples are extra hard, extra big. One hand is gripping my tit, the other is stroking my cunt.

I'm also feeling a little faint since I've been standing directly under a spray of hot water for however long and I had just finished working out.

I shut off the water, wrapped a towel around me and tip-toed to the bedroom leaving a trail of wet footprints on the hardwood floor. I laid the towel on the bed and went through my toy drawers. I pulled out the cordless Hitachi and my regular dildo from my bedside table, then moved over to the chest of drawers, the "auxiliary" toy drawer, and pulled out the big one and the newer, slighter smaller, one I just bought especially for my butt.

I felt like Goldilocks.

I laid back on the towel, spread my legs, raised my knees and lazily petted my pussy. My window was open slightly and I could hear and smell the rain, the breeze lifting and raising my sheer, white curtains. It was all lovely and calm, but the whole foreplay aspect of this thing had come and gone. I slipped three fingers in right away, testing the waters. I squirted some lube on the biggest (thickest) dong and slid it in as far as it would go, pumping it in and out, slowly and gently, feeling myself stretch out. But apparently not stretched out enough. I grabbed the smaller dildo, lubed it up and swung my legs over my head and aimed for my ass. I groaned louder than I had intended, fell over to my side and worked my orifices to the best of their capabilities (in the ass, out of the pussy, in the pussy, out of the ass). I was building up into a pleasant little frenzy with a speed and synchronized rhythm that would never happen with two human beings.

Except human beings have fingers and could be taking care of that whole clit thing during all this. I relinquished control of the dick in my ass, gripping it tight to keep the slippery bastard inside and reached for the vibe. But instead, I thought, I need a mirror! So I tentatively sat up and slipped off the bed, doing a duck walk to the bathroom with these flesh colored silicone discs protruding from my crotch and buttocks and grabbed my mirror. I grabbed the camera, too.

I checked myself out and took a few glamor shots of my stuffed twat. Then I remembered the video feature. Hey, I can make a mini-movie of me fucking myself! So, with one hand on the dick in my cunt, leg in the air, camera in my left hand I managed to capture a few shaky, dark, 10 second amateur porn moments. But, the first one was too close and was mostly of my thigh. The second one was mostly of my walls until I figured out the right angle...

All of this was getting way too complicated and frankly, off-topic.

So, I pulled the small one from my ass and the big one from my pussy and replaced it with the tried and true middle sized dick. Hitachi in the right hand, dildo in the left, I fucked myself with the kind of goal-oriented determinism I knew would get the job done. I leaned my head to the side and screamed into my pillow, the dildo slipped out and I rotated the head of the vibe around my clit until it felt so good it almost hurt. My whole body stiffened and I felt the flood of liquid pour out of me and as I did (hand to God) a huge thunderclap erupted outside. I whimpered and moved the vibe away from the hot spot for a while, then went back at it again and again until I realized I did have other things to do that day and should probably wrap this thing up.

My legs ached, I was walking bowlegged, I made myself sore.

It had stopped raining at this point. I washed up my toys and checked my e-mail. My date was postponed until the next morning. That was okay by me. I could take care of myself.