"What's your name?"
"Misty Beethoven."
"Is that your real name?"
"No, it's not. I picked it to sound more important."
"What was it before?"
"Delores Beethoven."
I always thought My Fair Lady was one of the kinkiest movies ever made, the story of a pitiful girl being molded into something else by a powerful, distant cold master. Pygmalion. The person as a blank canvas to twist and turn into whatever you desire.
The Opening of Misty Beethoven is the story of an overly made-up prudish prostitute who will do nothing but perform hand-jobs. She's picked up in a sleazy porno theater by the sexologist Dr. Seymour Love (the Henry Higgins to her Eliza Doolittle) who takes on the challenge of turning her into an expert in the art of sex. They jet-set between New York, Rome and Geneva on a airline complete with coffee, tea or me flight attendants and through his training and tutelage becomes the glamorous, talk of the town, elite slut of high society.
"Can you make a man come when he wants?"
"I think so."
"Well, you'll make three men come simultaneously!"
"Why?"
"It will give you confidence."
After many "training" montages of her dressed in pig-tails and a track suit sucking cock to a swinging jazzy soundtrack, she is introduced to the creme de la creme of sluts seducing everyone along the way. She makes her grand debut at the orgy of infamous hedonist Lawrence Layman and proves herself a first class pervert and with some unexpected gender bending along the way. Then, of course, Dr. Love makes the realization that after casting her aside and taking credit for her grand success, he'd grown accustomed to her face (or at least her mouth) and the student becomes the teacher.
I don't watch a lot of porn and if I do I'm watching about 4 minutes of one scene over and over. But I love these old school 70's full-feature movies with real tits, hairy twats, slapstick and bad puns. Like Deep Throat or Behind the Green Door, it's that odd cross between a movie with a lot of actual sex and a porno with an actual plot and it's surprisingly entertaining in all it's hairy, juicy, barebacking, twitchy and silly absurdity.
