Immersion Porn

Book Review: Opening Up

I will admit, reading Tristan Taormino's Opening Up is a lot like watching the Food Network when the only thing in my refrigerator is a half a bottle of fat-free blue cheese dressing and an unopened bottle of Maraschino cherries.

There is a lot of very helpful information and good advice for issues that I, unfortunately do not have. I wish I needed advice on negotiating the sex lives of my husband, his boyfriend, my girlfriend, our long distance lover and our local fuck buddy. I wish I needed a guide book to help me cope with too many people being in love with me.

Oh, luxury problems.

But in all seriousness, it did help me clarify, to a degree, what I do have and put into some clear terminology what I know I want. I tend to approach my relationships with a casual, "let's just see where this goes" laissez-faire attitude. Normally I don't like to pigeon-hole relationships into one category or another and I tend to avoid labels at all costs. It took me a year to finally admit that the guy I had been dating and sleeping with exclusively was my "boyfriend".

But, I'm starting to think not only is okay to label relationships, it might be kind of helpful.

According to Taormino, I would currently be "solo polyamorous" (or, you know, single) and what I want is to be is in a "partnered nonmonogamous" relationship. I tend to just go with the flow and let things just happen (or not) in relationships, more out of laziness than anything else, I think. Maybe out of fear, too. I've had enough unrequited love, I've learned to not push it. There's helpful stuff in there about jealousy and envy. I get jealous, it's true, I admit it and it sucks. I hate it, but it happens. Sometimes going with the flow is easier said than done.

I think it's good to take a look at what I have, what I want and what I need. What I do have is pretty rad. The stuff I want is relatively easy to get. It's the stuff I need that has proven much, much more difficult.

I read The Ethical Slut and thought the same thing I did reading this. Yes, all this is very helpful and practical and makes perfect sense, and maybe someday I'll actually need it.