To-Do list / item no.1

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HNT

God, it's Thursday again already? They really do sneak up on you. Let me see, what have I already shot?

I'm popular!

Tuesday: Found my new favorite bar and became sexually aroused while watching the bartenders make some of the best damn cocktails I've ever had in my life. Men who work with their hands turn me on. Men who use those hands to make me drinks turn me on even more. N. and I chatted about sex and kink and poly-relationships. She noticed the girls next to us kept looking our way, listening in. I turned to N. and half-shouted "So are you going to that orgy tonight?!"

Wednesday: Had a good talk with Ben and I think we've got the fuck-buddy thing established. We're just not working as a "boyfriend / girlfriend". I dig him immensely, but I'm just not in love with him. It's just not there and it's not there for him either. But neither of us wants to part ways completely. I love his penis and the acrobatic things he can do with it and I'm pretty sure I rock his world in a variety of ways. He also makes a fantastic brunch. He said, "I've never had a friend I had sex with." "Well, now you do," I said. We went back to my place and fucked on it.

Thursday: Picture Ed Harris in "Pollock" with a smidge of Sting (tantric Sting). He asked me to pack a bag of my favorite toys, but I had not had a great deal of sleep the night before, so I just threw a flogger, a couple of dildos and my Hitachi into my WNYC messenger bag and headed off to work. It was a very, very long day of work. I had some time to kill before meeting him at the bar so I figured I'd hit Purple Passion on the way there. I bought some leather cuffs, a paddle and some bandaging tape. The toys went unused, but I still left with stubble burns everywhere, cock on my breath and a very, very drippy pussy.

Friday: Birthday party for an old college friend. Nothing particularly sexy happened, but it was in a fantastic spot. Well, I did spot a group of firemen in kilts congregating under the High Line. Have I mentioned my new fantasy is to get fucked on the High Line? That now includes getting fucked by a group of firemen in kilts on the High Line.

Saturday: Checked out the Mermaid Parade with Lynsey. After the last of the painted boobs made it's way down towards the Cyclone we headed back to the city to Splash for LPN. Sexy people in leather + gin and tonics = well...

Sunday: Slept. Got McDonald's, fell asleep watching the French Grand Prix, did laundry, slept.

My favorite love story

This one's for all the ladies in the house

Always remember to pee after getting fucked. Or perhaps after spontaneously attempting to fist yourself. But fellas, don't you worry because my pH is all kinds of balanced out now. Sexy!

People I like

For the sexiest stick figures you'll ever see, check out friend Lynsey. She's got her tongue comfortably planted in her cheek and probably someplace else, too. Just e-mail her at sticksy@mac.com

HNT

Thighs, revisited.

quote

Ennui and kink, he discovered, were very marketable, as long as they were backed up with perfect tailoring...

Janet Ozzard for New York Magazine

Is this a "Glamour" Do or Don't?

I watched her walk up the slight incline of the concourse until I realized I was gawking. She was curvy, but perfectly well proportioned and walked with a hypnotic sway. She was wearing a thin, knee-length white dress and you could see her black thong right through it. Right through it.

First of all, I hate thongs. I think they're gross. I would rather wear nothing than a thong.

I watched her walk down the hall, before we parted ways at the fork in the concourse, feeling that embarrassed empathy one feels for someone with toilet paper stuck to the bottom of their shoes. Does she know her dress is that transparent? Does she know you can see right through it? I'd be mortified. We've all been there. I've walked around with my blouse open, accidentally unbuttoned lower than I usually go. I'd glance down and see the edges of my bra and feel that blush of exposure quickly reaching up to button it back up.

But then sometimes, I'd stop and just leave it.

Of course she knew. No woman puts on a sheer white dress over black underwear by accident. She knew exactly what she was doing. I wish I was that brazen sometimes. I have pretty great tits (or at least I think so). It's just about "skirt sans underwear" season for me. I wish I was a better flirt, that I was better at seduction, that I could tease. Look at her walk! She's working that ass like an expert. She knows exactly what she's doing.

I wanted to run up to her, grab her and push her up against the wall in front of all those business men. I'd pull her dress up and make her hold the hem up with her teeth. I'd yank down that stupid black thong and slap her for dressing like such a slut. I'd shove my fingers in her, undoubtedly wet cunt and fuck her until she came, sinking to the floor. Then I'd wipe my hand in her hair as the next batch of commuters got out of the subway.

But really, who wears a black thong under a sheer, white dress? It's just tacky.

HNT

Taken in the H&M dressing room where I lost my watch and learned that women in dressing rooms are jerks.

Zip me up?

The Three Amigos (working title)

For someone who thinks about sex as much as I do, you'd think I'd be having a lot more than I do. Sex with people other than myself, I mean. But that's not the point. I'm not here to bitch. Moving on.

It was a rainy Saturday. My semi-usual fuck date was postponed until further notice so I had the day to myself. For some reason, since I've quit smoking, I've been working out more. After a half-hour of squats, crunches and punching the air, I jumped in the shower. Earlier that week, I had spontaneously shaved off all of my public hair and I realized that I like it. I like it a lot. Except now, when I take a shower I can't keep my hands off of my crotch.

I forget sometimes how nice is is to jerk off in the shower. The wet of the shower blends with the warmer, thicker wet from inside me. My skin is all slick and smooth. It's the week before my period, so my nipples are extra hard, extra big. One hand is gripping my tit, the other is stroking my cunt.

I'm also feeling a little faint since I've been standing directly under a spray of hot water for however long and I had just finished working out.

I shut off the water, wrapped a towel around me and tip-toed to the bedroom leaving a trail of wet footprints on the hardwood floor. I laid the towel on the bed and went through my toy drawers. I pulled out the cordless Hitachi and my regular dildo from my bedside table, then moved over to the chest of drawers, the "auxiliary" toy drawer, and pulled out the big one and the newer, slighter smaller, one I just bought especially for my butt.

I felt like Goldilocks.

I laid back on the towel, spread my legs, raised my knees and lazily petted my pussy. My window was open slightly and I could hear and smell the rain, the breeze lifting and raising my sheer, white curtains. It was all lovely and calm, but the whole foreplay aspect of this thing had come and gone. I slipped three fingers in right away, testing the waters. I squirted some lube on the biggest (thickest) dong and slid it in as far as it would go, pumping it in and out, slowly and gently, feeling myself stretch out. But apparently not stretched out enough. I grabbed the smaller dildo, lubed it up and swung my legs over my head and aimed for my ass. I groaned louder than I had intended, fell over to my side and worked my orifices to the best of their capabilities (in the ass, out of the pussy, in the pussy, out of the ass). I was building up into a pleasant little frenzy with a speed and synchronized rhythm that would never happen with two human beings.

Except human beings have fingers and could be taking care of that whole clit thing during all this. I relinquished control of the dick in my ass, gripping it tight to keep the slippery bastard inside and reached for the vibe. But instead, I thought, I need a mirror! So I tentatively sat up and slipped off the bed, doing a duck walk to the bathroom with these flesh colored silicone discs protruding from my crotch and buttocks and grabbed my mirror. I grabbed the camera, too.

I checked myself out and took a few glamor shots of my stuffed twat. Then I remembered the video feature. Hey, I can make a mini-movie of me fucking myself! So, with one hand on the dick in my cunt, leg in the air, camera in my left hand I managed to capture a few shaky, dark, 10 second amateur porn moments. But, the first one was too close and was mostly of my thigh. The second one was mostly of my walls until I figured out the right angle...

All of this was getting way too complicated and frankly, off-topic.

So, I pulled the small one from my ass and the big one from my pussy and replaced it with the tried and true middle sized dick. Hitachi in the right hand, dildo in the left, I fucked myself with the kind of goal-oriented determinism I knew would get the job done. I leaned my head to the side and screamed into my pillow, the dildo slipped out and I rotated the head of the vibe around my clit until it felt so good it almost hurt. My whole body stiffened and I felt the flood of liquid pour out of me and as I did (hand to God) a huge thunderclap erupted outside. I whimpered and moved the vibe away from the hot spot for a while, then went back at it again and again until I realized I did have other things to do that day and should probably wrap this thing up.

My legs ached, I was walking bowlegged, I made myself sore.

It had stopped raining at this point. I washed up my toys and checked my e-mail. My date was postponed until the next morning. That was okay by me. I could take care of myself.